kis·met \ˈkiz-ˌmet, -mət\ - noun; often capitalized
1. fate.
"We die. That may be the meaning of life. But we do language.
That may be the measure of our lives." - Toni Morrison

"Growing up Southern is a privilege, really. It's more than where you're born; it's an idea and state of mind that seems imparted at birth. It's more than loving fried chicken, sweet tea, football, and country music. It’s being hospitable, devoted to front porches, magnolias, moon pies, coca-cola... and each other. We don't become Southern - we're born that way." - Unknown

13 December 2008

Just Curious

I would like to know what goes through people's heads when they decide to cancel plans on someone without notifying them. Yes, I'd like to delve into the workings and mechanics of the practice we so aptly call "standing someone up". This is the all-time, absolute "no, no" of the universe in my book of dating rules.

Allow me to tell a story about what happened to me this weekend. On Thursday I spent some time with a boy, who we will call for all intensive purposes, Bucephelus. We spent some time talking at his apartment and then his roommates decided they wanted to go to the hot tub at our apartment complex, and I was invited, so I went along. It was a lot of fun talking and the hot tub felt great because it was FREEZING outside!!! On the way back to our respective apartments Bucephelus and I made plans to go to the movies on Saturday and catch a matinee showing of Australia. He said that he would call me sometime on Friday to finalize plans. Around 10:30pm on Friday night I realized that Bucephelus hadn't called me yet, so I gave him a call. He then told me that he wanted to go to the dollar theater instead because he had just been out with friends and spent $30. I said that was fine, and asked what time we were to go. He said that we would go around 7pm on Saturday evening. That was ok with me, but just a quick tidbit about myself: When going on a date I like to have a set plan, and do not appreciate last minute changes to the itinerary. On Saturday I woke up at a reasonable hour and diligently did my homework and studying for finals for the day in order to allow myself to have a fun evening. Bucephelus called around 5pm and said that he didn't want to go to the movies anymore because some of his friends wanted to go to SLC to see the lights at Temple Square, and he wanted to know if I wanted to come with him. I agreed, but was not too happy about it because it was a rather last minute change of plans, and it just irks me when people do that. Then Bucephelus said that he would talk to his friends, find out the details, and then call me back and fill me in. He never called me back.

Call me harsh, but he has absolutely no more chances of ever going on a date with me. When someone stands me up that's it. Adios muchacho. No soup for you! Come back....well, never. I will not, under any circumstances endure being treated like that. It moreso hurts my pride more than anything. I spent time out of my day getting ready for a fun evening, only to be left at my apartment watching tv, wondering why my phone never rang. Bucephelus has no idea who he's messing with. I don't tolerate those kind of games. I honestly wonder what goes through people's minds when they stand people up. Do they sit there and consiously think about it, or do they truthfully forget? I wouldn't know. I've never stood someone up. I was taught better than that. I was always taught that if you make plans, you keep what you originally have planned, and follow through with them unless you are knocking on death's door. I was taught to keep my word and go through with plans even if I didn't particularly care for the person or wasn't excited about it simply because I gave that person my word.
In the immortal words of Seinfeld: Elaine: "I'll never understand people." Jerry: "They're the worst".


lotusloq said...

What a tool! That guy definitely does not know who he's messin' with. He'd be history in my book too.

I'm not as put off with changes in plans as you. I generally roll with it unless I was really excited about what we were planning on doing.

There's no way I'd put up with being stood up though. I can't say that I understand why people do it. I'm not one of those people unless I completely and totally space it and forget which I suppose is possible and with that I guess I could do--especially with my spaciness of late. I never did it during the dating years. If I agreed to go out with someone I had it on my calendar (at least the one in my head) and unless I called to cancel (that I would only do as a last resort and for genuine reasons--this is only in theory. I don't ever recall having done it.) I was committed and there.

If someone does not do the same, I don't have time for them. Being that inconsiderate of someone's time is one of the biggest faux pas that can be made. I'm going to be reading Miss Manner's guide in the next couple of months. If I come across something that answers the "rules of etiquette" on this, I'll let you know. Off the top of my head though, it is a gross breach of etiquette.

It seems unlikely though that there was a problem with him spacing it since you talked to him at 5.

Rachelle said...

Amen! I hate flakiness!!! My momma taught me better than that too!

Hannah Beth said...

I would have to see a 180-degree turnaround to be convinced to date him again, too

There's more fish in the sea AND you are perfectly justified in never looking at him or speaking to him again, unless to allow him to know the scale of his horrendous mistake my opinion, that is :)

Karen said...

Good for you Alyssa!